HOW TO LOSE A FRIEND IN 30 DAYS
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Have you ever heard the saying: A good friend is hard to find? If one of your goals this year is to make close friends and keep them, this post is for you.
The title is a little bit of a misnomer. You don’t need 30 days to lose a friend, many of the traits that repel us can manifest themselves within the first ten days of meeting someone.
I used to think that having a best friend was a given. Mom and I spoke a few years back and she admitted to me that she’d only ever had a best friend when she was in school.
I didn’t get it.
I had a best friend every year until I graduated high school. As an adult, I’ve had best friends and close friendships that I’ve maintained for over twenty years. Not a large group but a small circle that I’ve come to rely on and trust.
It’s always bothered me that my mom didn’t have the same kind of best friend that I had. Not only because she’s my friend but because I’ve found a certain benefit to having the kinds of friends that grow with you.
Instead of focusing on what you can do to make friends because *yawn* that’s been done before let’s look at how someone loses a friend in order to better understand the behaviors that keep people away.
Day 1: TMI Tonya
Let’s break this down. Tonya tells you far too much information, minutes after meeting her. She might have a problem with oversharing. Things can get uncomfortable especially when she talks about her health.
Day 2: Copy Cat Cathy
She doesn’t want to just be your friend. She wants to be you. It starts as a compliment and then pretty soon like something out of a movie she’s wearing your hair, clothes, and looking to take your place. Be careful of Cathy things may not end well.
Day 3: Relentless Ruby
Rubys’ always texting, calling and popping up unannounced and overall demanding your time and attention. Ruby isn’t great with boundaries in general. She’s always there though, always. She’s the opposite of Fran (see below).
Day 4: Sensitive Sophia
Sally is easily offended. If you say the wrong thing she has a tendency to cut you off for long periods of time. Because she’s so hard to please she may not even consider you a friend despite your efforts. (See Polly below.)
Day 5: Long-winded Libby
Libby likes to talk, but she’s bad at listening. If you’re telling her a story be prepared, she’s likely to cut you off in the middle of it to share her own even more relatable story. If you could get a word in edgewise she might understand how to take turns.
Day 6: Jelly Jane
She friends with you and at the same time may have a hard time when you have successes due to her jealousy. Jane may have a hard time maintaining the friendship while in envious mode. Like Cathy, she may begin to imitate the qualities that you possess that she thinks are giving you the praise she deserves.
Day 7: Pompous Polly
Feeling judged? Then your friend is a Polly. She walks on water and everything you do gets criticized. It’s hard to be humble when dealing with someone who’s always looking down their nose at you and your choices. Polly thinks she’s helping you. A friendship with her stings if you don’t have thick skin like a crocodile. Her standards are so high though she might not even consider you worthy of friendship status.
Day 8: Backstabbing Betty
Betty is the least likely to remain a friend for long. She’s like Tonya in that she tends to TMI but she’s usually sharing your business. If she gets called out she’s quick to throw you under the bus rather than deal with the consequences of her own actions. She’s a little bit like Jane too, be careful of sabotage when dealing with Betty.
Day 9: Desperate Dolly
Dolly wants a best friend and has been looking for one for a long time. She’s latched on to you and needs a good friend. Whether or not you’re a match she may make the choice for you. Dolly needs more than one friend at a time but often has a hard time holding on to them because she squeezes too tight.
Day 10: Fickle Fran
You call her but she never calls you. When it comes to communication are you the one who is always reaching out? But she promised you that she’d call/text/visit. Still waiting? Even worse, she may only call you when she wants something from you. In this case, you might be dealing with Fran.
As I mentioned earlier, friends are hard to come by, especially good ones.
But there’s hope.
Are you doing any of these things?
Are you sure?
If yes, you’re not alone. I’ve been there too. But you may be killing your friendship potential before you even really get started.
Note: Your real friends may have already tried to tell you. However, some people would rather avoid you than deal with the confrontation it requires to tell you to your face. Act accordingly.
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results”. –Albert Einstein
Have a friend like one of these ladies? Are these things worth overlooking in order to find the friend within?
Mom and I think so. Since no one’s perfect, including us, we’ve had to deal with many of these types of friends in the past and have even overcome some of them. We’ve also had real friends tell us the truth when we made mistakes which is why they’re our closest friends today.
It’s never too late to make or keep a good friend. As Mom and I have learned over the years that best friends can come in many forms, young, old, a neighbor, a relative, or even a spouse.
What have you done to salvage a friendship? What are your friendship goals this year? We’d love to hear from you, comment below.